


Two Sides

by SleepingReader



Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events (2004), A Series of Unfortunate Events (TV), A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket
Genre: Gen, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-07 12:42:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16854166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleepingReader/pseuds/SleepingReader
Summary: A poem I wrote for my mother for our yearly tradition of Sinterklaas.The poem accompanies her gift for this year: The DVD of a Series of Unfortunate Events.I know, I know. The Netflix show is better.I'm working on it :)





	Two Sides

A house destroyed in a mysterious fire  
Family reduced to a funeral pyre  
Three orphans on a briny beach  
Their parents fortune just out of reach

_The three of them’ll come begging_  
_And it’s them I’ll hire_  
_Never they’ll be forgetting_  
_Where there’s smoke there’s fire._

The spyglass will be looked through,  
They’ll become a volunteer  
They’ll join us for a good cause  
The world is quiet here

_But first there are some chapters_  
_The orphans through must flee_  
_To choose their handsome captors_  
_Or that loathed VFD._

Reader, I beg of you, close this poem now  
Don’t open, please don’t open, and somehow  
Try to live a life without despair  
For in your hands lies a true nightmare

_Reader, just open the parcel and see_  
_A handsome count, and you’ll agree_  
_He’s talented, dashing and so funny_  
_You’ll want to give him all your money_

——

A house destroyed in a mysterious fire  
Family reduced to a funeral pyre  
Three orphans on a briny beach  
Their parents fortune out of reach

A banker approaches from the mist  
Coughing and trying to assist  
He informs them that their next of kin  
Lives in the same town they live in

_This dapper and handsome count_  
_Has talents in an inordinate amount_

This cruel and conceited man  
Has concocted an inordinate plan

_Adopt the children, and when they die_  
_Get the money from a bank nearby_

To marry the eldest, and at her demise  
Take the money as a compromise

_He’ll rid the world of an evil snake_  
_In whose jaws its victims quake_  
_Sadly, in these jaws of death_  
_The snake guy drew his final breath._

The Incredibly Deadly Viper, a beautiful roamer  
Was named so for a prank, it’s a misnomer  
The murder of an innocent herpetologist  
Reveals the Count to be a dreadful sadist

_A handsome captain and a woman of grammar_  
_Had a romance that would make Shakespeare stammer_  
_Sadly, their romance ended with a prose_  
_On the shores of Lake Lachrymose_

Captain Sham turned out to be a fake  
In the leech-ridden depths of Lachrymose Lake  
Poor Aunt Josephine drifts lifeless  
Just like my darling, dearest, Beatrice

_Open the package, with proceedings_  
_Light… music… action… and greetings_  
_Welcome, dear Count Olaf Fans_  
_To a series of very fortunate events_


End file.
